im warning you, this is a pitty post, but you wont feel bad for me, because i have the most wonderful life, i shouldn't complain. ever. but its been one of those days. so hold on to your seats, im about to blow.
i love babies. anyone that knows me knows that i do. in fact, i get to watch my new little baby step-nephew on wednesday, and i am literally counting down the hours. but never ever in my life have i had such a hard time looking at them. and never ever in my life, have they made me cry. but i do. i bawl. usually during the week when im alone. it makes the hubby feel bad. i really shouldn't, we haven't even officially started to try (ok that was TMI) but i cant help it. i deliberately steer away from TLC because they have all those darn baby shows, but sometimes ill watch like 5 in a row. im lame i know. we have talked about when we are going to start trying, and we both feel really good about our decision, but that gosh darn month is coming slower and slower every day. sometimes i stop and think "my mom went through this for 5 years. i can take it a few more months." seriously what is wrong with me. beau is being so patient with me. he just holds me and tells me that it will be my turn soon. he's so great about it. he will just let me say what i need to say, hug, cry and move on. i know, tell me im dumb, tell me im pathetic, tell me i need to get a grip, there are people WAY worse off then me, and i know, i tell myself everyday, and i told you that you wouldnt feel bad for me. but i just had to get it all out. so until i get what i want... im going to try to live by this quote...
"Don’t wait for tomorrow. Don’t wait for the right job, the right house, the right salary, the right dress size. Be happy today. Be happy now… one thing I know for certain: the time we have here goes by far too quickly. don’t waste any more time sitting on the bench watching life pass you by.” -Joseph B. Wirthlin”
so for today, i am going to enjoy my full nights of sleep, enjoy my girlie lunches 4 times a week, watch 3 hours of tv, work when i feel like it, play when i feel like it, have no worries, buy things for my hubby just because i want to, take a nap, do a craft, and be happy being where i am in my life. or at least ill try.
Monday, November 9, 2009
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A Marriage Prayer
"Lord, help us to remember when we first met and the strong love that grew between us. To work that love into practical things so nothing can divide us. We ask for words both kind and loving and hearts always ready to ask forgiveness as well as to forgive. Dear Lord, we put our marriage into your hands."
11 comments:
Girl... been there... done that! If you ever need to scream or just vent... I am totally here for you.I still have down days. I am very thankful for everything I have and JT, but there is something about being pregnant. I just feel a loss for some reason. So when you are down call me and I will come and scream with you! ;)
i love that quote! i'm sorry your having a hard time with this but for real, enjoy your full nights sleep and being able to do what you want when you want. cuz it will all change. I wouldn't trade it for the world, I love my little carson and this little boy on the way but i know its gonna get even harder when he comes too.
I understand, and you are entitled to whine a little. Now, put on your big girl panties and go enjoy your life, it's the only chance you get to enjoy THAT kind of life. Live in the moment... I love that quote!!!!
I know its hard but the time will arrive before you know it and now is such a good time for you and Beau to enjoy each other. Yvette says don't do it(Ha Ha) when you get baby hungry you could call and tend some of your nieces and nephews it might make it easier. call me for lunch and we will go.
hang in there.
Tell we meet you 5 little ones!
Loveya
you made me tear up. I was there, just last year saying the same thing..it goes by so quickly. you'll have that baby in your arms before you know it and you'll be thinking you would have done that and saved this...but its amazing, they'll be here soon. :)
you're amazing
Hang in there Stef. It will be here before you no it. And you'll look back at this time and Wonder why you were so worried. Hand in there take care.
It's ok for you to feel like this. I got ultra depressed... like you don't even know... when we were trying to have Marshall. It took all the fun out of trying. It took us about 6 months, but it may as well have been 6 years if you ask me. Every day felt like forever. It's true though. There are people all over that have felt or are feeling just like you. Just hang in there. I think it would help for you guys to get away and destress... You know what, I'm going to call you right now.
There's nothing wrong feeling horrible because you feel like a part of you is missing in your life. Hang in there! If the Lord wanted you to have a baby already he would have cause an accident!
i know how you feel. spencer and I 'tried' for Over a year to get our lil' sophee. And i'm worried it's gonna take that long again to get her a sibling.. but the lord knows me better than i know me..so i just have to keep trusting in him and Love every minute i get to have with my baby! {some day i might not get to have this kind of One-on-one time with her.}
love you and hang in there.
I know exactly how you feel. I have struggled with this sort of thing on and off through out my entire marriage. I just posted on my blog about some of my struggles with it. You should check it out.
Oh honey-i know it feels like forever for it to be your turn but it will be soon-i can't wait!! You are going to be a awesome mom!!
Love you!!!
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