I've gone back and forth about if I wanted to post about this subject or not. I try and keep the emotional overload to a minimum on our blog, because I am a pretty private person about things that aren't ideal in my life. But I decided that I want to remember this. I want it to be written down for me to remember, and for my kids to read one day. So here it goes... we'll see if I get up the guts to click publish...
Yesterday we had Blake's speech evaluated. No big deal, right? Wrong. At least to me.
I knew he didn't talk as much as he probably should, but I just chalked it up to him being shy, and left it at that. But after awhile, we agreed to let Beau's Mom set up an appointment with her speech and audiology doctors at their clinic. Just to be sure.
Yesterday morning I was a wreck. Logically, I knew he was fine. He does talk, he understands us 100%, I knew that. But my mind wandered, and I spent the better part of the morning in tears worrying about what they would say, how I would react, how Blake would react.
We went to the appointment, and it pretty much went exactly how I expected, his hearing is totally fine, his cognitive ability is right where it should be, but his speech is just a little behind. The sweet doctor told us that we were doing everything right from what she could tell, and that he was very smart and understood well, but that he did need a little help with his speech. Nothing I didn't already figure. But, when I asked her what WE could do to help him, she said "Nothing really, I think you've already been doing what you can." My heart sunk. For some reason I felt like a totally failure as a mom at that moment. I am supposed to be able to fix everything, to teach him, and help him grow. ME. That's my job as a mother, and you're telling me there's nothing I can do? It was hard to hear.
Now, I know that this is such a minor thing, and it's an easy fix, and TONS of kids need help with speech... but it's been hard to accept, not because he needs help, it's not even about him really, it's about me. (that sounded so selfish, but I don't mean it that way)It's more about my abilities as a mother and accepting that I can't 100% be in control of everything. Which is hard for me.
I know I'll get over it soon, I just wanted to document how I am feeling. One of those "REAL" Mom moments. Those suck.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
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A Marriage Prayer
"Lord, help us to remember when we first met and the strong love that grew between us. To work that love into practical things so nothing can divide us. We ask for words both kind and loving and hearts always ready to ask forgiveness as well as to forgive. Dear Lord, we put our marriage into your hands."
6 comments:
I was supposed to have an appointment with that clinic yesterday. I forgot to inform them that I moved. They of course are involved with our sweet Kenna.
I'm sorry you had to have one of those moments. It's tough. I have them a few times a day when I realize I personally can't do much to help Kenna. I'm not trained in the right area, I don't have enough time to give her the solo attention she needs, etc. Being a mom is rough.
Keep it up!
Did you know that you can have the elementary's speech teacher work with him for free. I don't know if there is an age limit or not. Call Hurricane Elementary and see. Maybe they can give you ideas for him that you can work on at home.
I know how you are feeling. One of my boys has struggled with speech and we got him set up with TLC. But I struggled with the same feelings that you are having. It is hard being a mom to little ones and gets extremely harder to be a mom to teenagers when they figure out this thing called free agency. But just by reading your posts I can tell you are a great mom and you will get through this.
Don't stress! All you can do is love him! Maddie has been in speech since she was 3 and still goes now. I just think of it as who she is. It use to upset me too but as I've watched her grow and learn all my fears have melted. Hang in there!
Stef. I can't believe you are even worrying! You are one of the most amazing mothers there is. Your kids are so lucky to have such a caring and loving mom like you, Blake is just fine- (Scarlett loved playing with him btw) every kid does things at their own pace and each kid has their own individual strong points, Blake is awesome at so many other things and like you said he is SO smart and understands so much and that is because you have done a great job teaching him. Every mom has those crazy mom moments, hang in there! I'm here if you need anything.
I think being a mom is the hardest job in the world because we want to do everything for our kids that we can. And, when we can't, we feel helpless! I know that Blake is totally going to be fine because you care so much! I think lack of sleep makes these moments even tougher. You are doing everything you can, and he is going to grow up and talk your ear off someday! :)
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